The Birthday

First off, wow! THANK YOU to everyone who showed their support on Wednesday, and for the birthday wishes! I can honestly say that it was the best birthday I've ever had. Which might be funny to say, because I had my third chemo treatment that day.

But, I was so occupied by the constant notifications popping up on my phone, the whole thing flew by. What an amazing gift it was to see the support of friends, family members, and even people I haven't met. The photos and selfies were all amazing, and it warmed my heart to know that together we made the world leopard print and violet for a day :)

My best friend took me to chemo, which was also a good distraction--for everyone. I think I can safely say that the Kaiser Infusion Center didn't know what hit it. We took cupcakes and had music, and had the whole staff laughing. 

One of the highlights of the treatment was that the IV went in on the first try, which made EVERYTHING easier. And, I have to say, the anti-nausea pills I have are phenomenal. The nurse called them "party favors"! Which is appropriate, because I need them to keep the party going! 

Even though it was on my birthday, I am so grateful that I am able to get treatment to beat this! As of my last treatment, I am 1/4 of the way done. I am really anxious to have my next PET scan to see the progress. My doctor was surprised at how much my lumps on my chest and my armpit had gone down after just the first treatment. She said it normally takes at least two treatments to see any shrinkage. She also said that it is kind of nice to have a visible lump to begin with, because then you can actually see the progress! Neither of the lumps are even visible anymore, which was the case after the second treatment, I just forgot to mention it in my last post! 

Now here's the downer: 

I have had a few brave strands of hair exit the premises. BUT, my doctor said this would happen within the first two weeks of treatment, and this didn't happen until day 23. So, I'll take it! I thought for sure I would be bald by my birthday, but it wasn't the case. I'm so grateful it stuck around as long as it has. 

Here's the plus side:

I get to experiment with fashion! I have gotten a ton of new scarves and hats, which I have "selfie'd" and branded as "Cancer Couture." I am constantly posting my #cancercouture on my Instagram account (@cessiley), so you can check that out for more constant updates and looks. I have connected with a few other Hodgkin's patients, so I may post some scarf tutorials on here at some point. I am also attending a class in a couple weeks that is hosted by Kaiser, called "Look Good, Feel Better." They go over adjusting to hair loss and have wig and scarf tutorials, and also have cosmetologists come in to give makeup tips. I was encouraged to sign up by the nurses, because they give you a $300 designer makeup kit for FREE! Not passing that up! Upon signing up, I had to give the woman on the phone a description of my complexion. I told her, "white...?" and she responded with "Gwyneth Paltrow white or Jennifer Aniston white?" I said, "somewhere in between those two." She put me down for "Kelly Ripa white." ha!

Here is Scarf look #1

The most important thing I have learned so far on this journey is advice I got in a card from my Uncle Ron. He said, "Keep a positive attitude so your body can function at an optimum level. You are a strong an courageous person and you will win this battle."

From experience, I know this is true. The second I started feeling down or like this was unfair, my physical health and strength took a toll. I was way more fatigued and run down, and it was obvious that my body wasn't working up to it's full potential. Attitude makes all the difference while enduring trials. I know without a doubt that everyone's support, thoughts, and birthday wishes had me functioning at an optimum level last week. It was definitely the quickest recovery so far!

Hodgkin's Lymphoma Awareness Month

September is Hodgkin's Lymphoma Awareness month! Which, in my opinion, is appropriate since it's also my birthday month! Upon finding this out, my sister introduced me to a website called www.choosehope.com. It's a website with all sorts of merchandise that supports cancer research and helps bring about awareness (sorry Sam Harmer, I am trying to limit my use of this word). I encourage everyone to look at the website, and maybe even get some gear to support the cause!

I did get a great idea this weekend. My Aunt Lana ran a half marathon this past weekend, and in my honor, wore a leopard bracelet while she ran. For those of you who know me, you know leopard is my "signature color." I want to find a pattern for bracelets to make that incorporates violet and leopard ribbon. Violet, because it is the color that represents Hodgkin's, and leopard to personalize the bracelets. If anyone has any ideas or knows a good way to do this, please let me know! I want to make a bunch and send them out to friends and family :).

As for my progress, I am doing great. I had my second treatment last week, and feel just as good as I did after the first one. I can tell my food preferences have definitely changed, but that is about it. I was lucky to have my Grandma with me for treatment this time. On the way to the appointment, I was bragging about how nice the veins in my arms are and how I have never had any problems with IV's. After we got there and the nurse had two failed attempts at getting the IV needle in, I was immediately stuffing my Ugg slipper in my mouth. My grandma helped keep me calm amidst the stress of the stubborn veins/needles, and the third time was a charm. The nurse and I both decided that this was a fluke, since neither of us have problems with this normally. Fingers crossed for the next treatment!

This is the perfect blanket (thank you, Anne!). It is violet AND leopard! 

I continue to feel strengthened by the prayers, love and support from all of you. I can't even begin to explain what a blessing it has been to have so much support. I am overwhelmed by the thoughts, packages, cards, and emails I have gotten from so many of you, and I feel incredibly loved. Nate and I appreciate everything and are so grateful for all of you.

The Beginning

Anyone that knows me or has spent any time with me in the last year would probably agree that I live a very healthy lifestyle. I eat gluten free and don't eat anything processed, I am a licensed Zumba instructor and had the intention of running two half marathons this year. So anyone that knows me will probably be shocked to know that I have been diagnosed with cancer, more specifically Stage 3 Hodgkin's Lymphoma. 

Looking back over the last year, I have had just about every symptom of the disease, but the symptoms are so subtle and are ones that are easily overlooked and diagnosed as something more minor. It took five different doctors to figure out something was not right and to actually get the diagnosis. 

Let's rewind to earlier this year. January, to be exact. I noticed that I had been sweating when I was sleeping at night. It seemed a little odd to me because of my age, so of course I googled it to see what the potential cause could be. The causes ranged from anxiety to cancer to tuberculosis. I told myself that I am just a warm sleeper, and that my body was just overdoing it with trying to make up for how cold it was outside (it was winter in Idaho, after all). And I didn't really think anything of it after that. But one morning a few weeks later as I was getting ready for work, I noticed I had a lump in my left armpit. The first thing I did was obviously google it to see what it might be. It was either nothing or something serious. I knew I wouldn't have peace of mind unless I had it looked at, so I made an appointment to see my doctor in Sacramento. 

My doctor (doctor #1) looked at it and very confidently diagnosed it as a lipoma (benign tumor). I did mention to her that I had been having night sweats, but she said it was nothing to worry about. I was so relieved to hear this, especially with how confident my doctor was. I went back to Boise and carried on with life. 

Last spring, I decided I was going to do a half marathon. I registered to run the Famous Idaho Potato Marathon, and started training with a friend. About 2 weeks before the race, I woke up feeling really ill. My throat burned, and my body felt weak and tired. It took about five or so days to feel better, but I could only miss so much work, so I was getting up early and working long days while I was trying to recover. It seemed like a bad flu that "had been going around," but I felt like I never fully recovered from it. I was constantly tired and just felt off. I would recover for about a week or so, and then feel really fatigued again. I didn't feel like I had adequate energy to run 13.1 miles, so I didn't end up running the race. After a few weeks of not feeling well, I decided to go to an urgent care to get checked out. Based on my symptoms (fatigue, flu-like symptoms, weakened immune system, swollen glands) the doctor (doctor #2) determined that I had a "mono-like" virus, and should fully recover in about a month. I didn't mention the armpit lump to her, since I knew it was benign. During that month, my husband, Nate, got the stomach flu, so inevitably I got it too. Once I recovered from that, I started taking Airborne every day to try and build my immune system back up. In the mean time, I had signed up for another half marathon (which takes place on September 20th), and one of the incentives of signing up was a 30-day pass for one of the gyms in Boise. I started getting up before work and going to fitness classes, along with running on the treadmill. I was running on a treadmill after a weight-lifting class on a Saturday morning, when I noticed my reflection in the TV attached to the machine. There was a small bulge right below my collarbone. When I got home, I examined it in the mirror a little bit more, and wondered if it was from weightlifting, or if it was another lipoma. I had read that it's not uncommon to have several lipomas throughout your body, so I assumed that's what it was. I took a picture and sent it to my mom, letting her know I thought I had grown another lipoma. 

This one was about the size of a golf ball. Since Nate and I had planned a trip to Sacramento a couple weeks after this, I decided to schedule an appointment to have this one checked out while I was there.

 I wasn't able to get an appointment with my regular doctor, so I was scheduled to see another doctor (doctor #3). This doctor looked not only at this new lump, but at the one in my armpit as well to compare the two. By feeling it, he said he thought it was probably a lipoma, but that he thought I should get a biopsy to be safe, since it is unusual to have two lipomas that close together. This was on a Friday, and the soonest I could get in to meet with a surgeon was the following Wednesday. Nate and I had flights to go back to Boise on Sunday, so I had to reschedule to go back Wednesday after my appointment. 

Wednesday came up quickly, and I met with Dr. Bow (doctor #4) that afternoon. He examined both of my lumps, and asked me a series of questions to rule out what it may be. Cat Scratch Fever was an option, I will have you know (yes, it is an actual condition, but I don't know how you could take it seriously). After talking to him for a few minutes, he left to get another doctor for a second (or fifth) opinion. This was doctor #5. She looked and felt both of the lumps and was the first doctor of the five to actually say that this could possibly be cancer. The lumps were in places where there are lymph nodes, and to her, they didn't seem mobile enough to be lipomas. My mom asked if there would be any other symptoms if this indeed was the result. The doctor's response? "Not necessarily-- but the most common are night sweats and fatigue." My heart sank. I think I knew at that moment that this is what it was, but I wished so badly that it wasn't that I wouldn't let myself accept it. Dr. Bow performed the biopsy, and let me know that he would call me the next day with the lab result. After the appointment, I immediately went to the airport to catch my flight back to Boise. My stomach was in absolute knots, not to mention I had just had minor surgery. 

The next day I was a wreck waiting for this phone call that would change my life forever, regardless of the results. I got sick to my stomach when I saw the call from Elk Grove, CA coming in. I answered and had Dr. Bow on the line. He told me that my biopsy was going to another lab in the Bay Area for a second opinion, but that the initial results looked like it was Hodgkin's disease, which is a type of cancer. He immediately followed up by saying that Hodgkins is very, very curable, but that he wanted to let me know right away because I would need to make arrangements to come back to California for treatment. Cancer? Even though I was pretty sure I knew deep down, just hearing the confirmation was unreal. And how was I going to break the news to my family and friends? I called my mom and my husband first thing, and then we slowly spread the word to extended family and friends to start the prayers. 

I got the confirmation phone call from Dr. Bow the next day (which was Friday). When I got off the phone with him, I sat, just stunned that it was actually true. But at the same time, I had an overwhelming feeling of peace. I knew right then that everything was going to be ok. And I have had this feeling with me through the whole process so far. Dr. Bow referred me immediately to the Oncology Department, who followed up the following Monday. They wanted me in the office that week to get things going. I was expecting to have the whole week to slowly pack up (since I would be moving to my parents' home), so it was a little stressful to pack what I could in a suitcase and leave for California again. Nate is finishing his last semester at Boise State, so we decided it would be best for him to finish up and then move out to Sacramento in December, after he graduates. Luckily, we have been long distance before, so we have been prepared for this. 

I had my first appointment with my Oncologist, Dr. Rodriguez, on Wednesday (August 13th). She talked to me about what to expect with treatment (chemotherapy), and what testing was needed to determine my staging, thus determining how long treatment will be. I was scheduled for four different tests, all of which would happen within the next week, and was scheduled to start chemotherapy two weeks from that date, August 27th. We started with a lung test, where I basically looked like the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland for 45 minutes while my breathing and lung strength were tested. See for yourself:

And I know my face was extremely red, but yours would be too if you had to blow into a bong for 6 seconds. Next was a heart test, called the MUGA, where they intravenously inject dye into your bloodstream to test how efficiently your heart pumps blood through your veins. The PET scan was scheduled next, and for this one, I had to completely avoid sugar, carbs, and caffeine for 2 days. It's a terrible diet to be on. But the test is exactly what you would think-- a full body scan in a claustrophobic tube. And last but not least, the lovely bone marrow biopsy. I am so scarred from this that just the name makes me cringe. For this one, they use a needle to extract a piece of bone containing bone marrow, and then go back in to get a marrow sample. I will just say that yes, they numb your skin before they do it, but there is nothing they can do to numb your bone, which is the part that is actually being handled. And you can hear the needle touching/extracting your bone. It's bad. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I got my results about a week later-- Stage 3. Stage 3 for Hodgkin's means that I have lymph nodes that are affected above and below the diaphragm. Which makes me wonder how long I have actually had this. The doctor said that Stage 1 can last up to 9 months! The best news I have gotten in the last month though is that the cancer is NOT in my bone marrow! 

And then I started chemotherapy. I started last week, on August 27th. Before I started, Dr. Rodriguez explained the medicine to me. It is a new kind of chemotherapy that has just been developed within the last three years, and is specifically for Hodgkin's disease. This chemo has had amazing results, with little side effects. Any side effect that may occur has a drug that can be prescribed to offset it. She expected that I would probably just be tired for a few days after, and that my tastebuds would change, so I should just eat whatever sounded good. So I went to my first chemo appointment pretty confident, but still a little nervous. I did get a new pair of Banana Republic lounge pants and made sure I had The September Issue for the appointment, so that made me feel a little better. 

Off to chemo. But first, a selfie:

And here I am getting infused:

The only side effects I have to report are a little bit of tiredness and lots of appetite. On the way home from the appointment, I got a pizza and ate most of it. It has been a little over a week since my first treatment, and I actually feel better than I did before I started. The lump in my armpit (which was the size of a tennis ball) is already gone, and the lump in my chest is not visible at all! It makes me feel so much better to have the visual results. I have a good amount of energy, and I have been able to swim and to go on walks almost every night (including the night of the infusion)!

I am extremely grateful to everyone for the thoughts and prayers. I feel very loved and know that I would not be this well off without them :)